Sometimes on twitter when I'm being a little sarcastic about my more challenging days through these past years I use the #medschoolwifelife as my catch phrase. Seriously though, as a medical students spouse/ significant other there are just some things NO ONE other than another medical students spouse/ significant other will really understand what you are going through. It's just a rough challenging road, but as I am on the backside of the journey and about to see some rewards for all of the sacrifices.
I can say with confidence that there is an END!
Last night was the annual SAA meeting where 3rd and 4th year spouses come and pass down their knowledge/ experience. Although I feel like it is necessary to help, I couldn't help but walk away last night feeling overwhelmed and I have ALREADY been through it.
So here are a few things I felt like you should know.
1. First year of med school I feel is the most relationship challenging. Why? Not only will most people be moving and trying to find new friends and learn the area, but their spouse will be starting one of the most stressful years of medical school life. They will be learning how they will need to study, how they will need to pass, how they need to take in a crap ton of information, and you will both be needing to learn how to communicate and find time for each other. All this juggling will be probably challenging. It was for us. So here is my tip.
GET INVOLVED WITH SAA! It was my life saver and maybe even a marriage saver. I can NOT explain how much it helped me understand how I was not alone and how I had a support group. It made me a better wife at home. HONEST!
2. My second tip is very basic although sometimes so challenging.
COMMUNICATE!!!!!! I can not express how most of our fights or misunderstanding started because one or both did not communicate with the other. Make sure you set up time to discuss whats going on in each others life. The first two years they live in books. So they may forget how to talk out loud. Encourage them to try. :)
3. Third year is a breath of fresh year. After you get through the first set of boards you have made it to a fun stage. The first and second years even when your spouse is home they usually have their head stuck in a book or computer, but now they are in clinicals and when they are home, they are home! Sometimes they have awesome schedules, sometimes not so great. My tip here is just
ENJOY THE GOOD SCHEDULES!
4. Now, fourth year. Here is where it can be different for everyone, because depending on your spouses desired specialty, that will determine how your fourth year goes. I had heard since first year how easy and great fourth year was. I was so excited, but I did not know that it really depended on what specialty they choose. The more competitive the specialty, the more demanding and expensive fourth year is. I was not ready for it at all. Ryan had to do all his audition rotations out of town and had to do a suggested minimum of 15 interviews to match into radiology. Which meant applying to at least 40+. Which meant a lot of time away and a lot of money. My tip here is this:
ITS JUST ANOTHER DROP IN THE BUCKET. I stopped stressing about money and just let it go. You are getting to the end and you need to do anything that is required to get that match. Stop worrying about the money.
5. My last tip
KNOW THAT THERE IS AN END! It will not be like this forever even though sometimes it feels that way. You will make it and it will feel SO good. I really feel that this journey makes couples stronger because you really have to go through things that test the fire out of your relationship. Being away from each other sometimes 6 weeks at a time is no easy feat, but when its done you look back and can say "HEY we did that and we got through it. We ROCK!"
Take encouragement in the fact that these four years will go faster than you know. Look to those around you who can help and want to be there for you.
YOU CAN DO IT!!! :)
