Getting Back into Reality

Here I am this Monday morning sitting on the couch with my coffee starring out the back door at the darkness and gloominess of rain. Its like the sky is crying for me since this morning our summer came to a close.  Its been a good three months... no not good, AMAZING! I am so thankful for all the time we have got to spend as a family. We have been able to experience more things this summer than some in a lifetime. I have been so blessed. 

Ryan left this morning for his first day of orientation and so ends a huge chapter of our lives. A chapter  although hard and challenging, has been one that has made our marriage stronger and I for one am better because of it. I wouldn't change or trade these years for anything. How can we grow if circumstances never stretch you to your limits? I know throughout this process I have had situations that have caused things to boil and bubble up out of me I did not even know existed. Some of the things I liked and was proud of, but more often than not it was characteristics that would make me cringe and be embarrassed.  God is working and molding me though and Im thankful for Ryan's patience with me.

I am so proud of Ryan and all he has accomplished. He never ceases to amaze me with everything he can juggle.  I am going to miss him being around 24/7, but now life is going to have to jump back into reality gear again. 

Housework will have to be done. 

Planning Audras school year will have to be done.

Setting attainable goals will have to be done.

Meal planning will have to be done.

A lot will have to be done. 

So today I am going to work on getting back into a routine of life, and be thankful that my husband has a job. Hopefully it will help take my mind off the fact that Im going to miss him and the joy that these past three months have been. 

Four Years In The Making

Today Ryan walked out the door just like any other day, but today when he comes home he will be finished with med school. FOREVER! This is a very exciting day. A day I thought at times would never come. There have been lots of sacrifices, lots of tears, lots of hard days/weeks/even months. A long road. BUT there have been days of lots of laughter, lots of wonderful experiences, lots of learning about our family as a unit. We have made amazing friends. This journey has been one I know we will look back on with fond memories. 

Today though, we are going to celebrate and be extremely happy that it is done. over. finished. 

PARTY! 

We are going to enjoy every second of the next three months with Ryan! 

Thank you to all who have been in our lives during this chapter. 

Thank you for all those who have made this journey easier.

Thank you for all of those friends who have stood by our side. 

We appreciate you and love you! 

Most of all I just want to say that I am thankful for my husbands faithfulness. He has been so faithful to stick with Medical school. He has worked so hard. I am so proud of his accomplishment. He is seriously the smartest guy I know. His work ethic is steadfast. He has done so much for our family and I am so thankful God put him in my life as my husband. How he balanced everything while still being involved in his babies lives, without going insane? I really don't know. 

I love you Ryan. 

THANK YOU! 

Now let the CELEBRATION begin, Four years in the making!

White Coat  Ceremony that started it all! Summer '09

My Dapper Little Guy (3 Months Late)

 So I have been horrible about keeping up with my blog. I have wanted to write so many things, but always end up having other important things to do. Also, it doesn't really help that my computer is out of commission so most of my internet time is done on a little phone. 

Anyways, I have wanted to post about Adiah's birthday since.. well, his birthday. Now I know its over three months late, but these sweet pictures are just too much not to share. 

For his first birthday we had a mustache theme. So for his invites my sister and I decked him out and drew a mustache on him. We took him out and let him do his thing... be adorable! 

Hope you enjoy this Dapper little guy!

Photos were taken by Stephanie Miles (thank you sis!)

The Med School Wife Life

Sometimes on twitter when I'm being a little sarcastic about my more challenging days through these past years I use the #medschoolwifelife as my catch phrase. Seriously though, as a medical students spouse/ significant other there are just some things NO ONE other than another medical students spouse/ significant other will really understand what you are going through. It's just a rough challenging road, but as I am on the backside of the journey and about to see some rewards for all of the sacrifices. 

I can say with confidence that there is an END! 

Last night was the annual SAA meeting where 3rd and 4th year spouses come and pass down their knowledge/ experience. Although I feel like it is necessary to help, I couldn't help but walk away last night feeling overwhelmed and I have ALREADY been through it. 

So here are a few things I felt like you should know.

1. First year of med school I feel is the most relationship challenging. Why? Not only will most people be moving and trying to find new friends and learn the area, but their spouse will be starting one of the most stressful years of medical school life. They will be learning how they will need to study, how they will need to pass, how they need to take in a crap ton of information, and you will both be needing to learn how to communicate and find time for each other. All this juggling will be probably challenging. It was for us. So here is my tip. GET INVOLVED WITH SAA! It was my life saver and maybe even a marriage saver. I can NOT explain how much it helped me understand how I was not alone and how I had a support group. It made me a better wife at home. HONEST!

2. My second tip is very basic although sometimes so challenging. COMMUNICATE!!!!!! I can not express how most of our fights or misunderstanding started because one or both did not communicate with the other. Make sure you set up time to discuss whats going on in each others life. The first two years they live in books. So they may forget how to talk out loud. Encourage them to try. :)

3. Third year is a breath of fresh year. After you get through the first set of boards you have made it to a fun stage. The first and second years even when your spouse is home they usually have their head stuck in a book or computer, but now they are in clinicals and when they are home, they are home! Sometimes they have awesome schedules, sometimes not so great. My tip here is just ENJOY THE GOOD SCHEDULES!

4. Now, fourth year. Here is where it can be different for everyone, because depending on your spouses desired specialty, that will determine how your fourth year goes. I had heard since first year how easy and great fourth year was. I was so excited, but I did not know that it really depended on what specialty they choose. The more competitive the specialty, the more demanding and expensive fourth year is. I was not ready for it at all. Ryan had to do all his audition rotations out of town and had to do a suggested minimum of 15 interviews to match into radiology. Which meant applying to at least 40+. Which meant a lot of time away and a lot of money. My tip here is this: ITS JUST ANOTHER DROP IN THE BUCKET. I stopped stressing about money and just let it go. You are getting to the end and you need to do anything that is required to get that match. Stop worrying about the money.

5. My last tip KNOW THAT THERE IS AN END! It will not be like this forever even though sometimes it feels that way. You will make it and it will feel SO good. I really feel that this journey makes couples stronger because you really have to go through things that test the fire out of your relationship. Being away from each other sometimes 6 weeks at a time is no easy feat, but when its done you look back and can say "HEY we did that and we got through it. We ROCK!"

Take encouragement in the fact that these four years will go faster than you know. Look to those around you who can help and want to be there for you. 

YOU CAN DO IT!!! :)

I Have No Control (Finding Peace)

 I like to feel like I have some type of control on circumstances. 

I want to have a plan, execute it, and everything to go exactly how I see it. 

That's me. That's how I am. That's where I find my peaceful state of mind.

 In life, a lot of choices and circumstances can fit into the category of you have a say and some type of control, but what about those things you can't control?

This is something near and dear to my heart right now. I'm having to wake up each day and not know

where the next 5 or 6 years of our life will be located. 

I like to KNOW. I want to KNOW. I feel like I need to KNOW NOW!

Every move we have had I have been able to plan and work myself up for the process.

Until March 15th though we are at a stand still. We could be moving, we could be staying. We could be moving to Ohio for a year and then back to Texas. We could be moving to New Hampshire.

 I might have to pack and I might not.

We. Simply. Do. Not. Know. 

and I find it very hard to be calm.

We are at a place of waiting...

As I am almost completely being unwound by "what ifs" and "hows" in our life, God is ALWAYS there knowing exactly where we will be. 

 It hit me this morning that worrying over what is going to happen is not going to help. 

Not one bit.

Today Audra and I were reading Ephesians 6 and it was talking about living life as Christ as a pleasant aroma to Him and I was reminded if I am to live my life as Christ, I can't worry. 

 Philippians 4: 6-7  

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

If I am worrying then I cannot have God's peace. 

It goes against my nature to release my worries and my control on circumstances, but in the releasing of my worries, I will find peace, why am I not doing it?

Why am I fretting? 

God is in control. I am not. 

Maybe this situation is purely a teaching lesson for me. To let God lead us as a family and not to worry. 

I mean he watches the sparrow, right? 

He definitely has our best interest and is in control of where we are supposed to be.

I am trying to release and let peace come. 

The Beginning of The End...

Today is a very exciting day in the world of Incledonia. Ryan will officially be done with his last interview and more importantly, TRAVELING! 

Since August our lives have been on a roller coaster. Ryan has been away from us more than with us. I would be lying if I didn't say it was hard, or that sometimes I wanted to just evaporate, or that after I put the kids to bed that I just sat and cried as the loneliness sat in. Then I would mop up my emotions... again, put on my happy face and be there for the kids the next day. 

All of this being said for the pure reason that right now, today, it is actually the beginning of the end of this medical school process. This hard process.

Everything that has happened these past six months is about to pay off and be worth it. 

Ryan and I are putting together our match list and looking to the future. We find out where we will be moving  on March 15th. It's a very exciting and nerve racking time, but today I am just wanting to enjoy the fact that the first step of the next 5 or 6 years of our life is finally over. 

We will have Ryan home until after he graduates! 

Praise God! 

A Slice of Paradise

You know those days when you wake up knowing it is going to be a spectacular day. For instance on your birthday or a day with special events planned, and it is just a day you know you are going to remember and enjoy from the minute you open your eyes. Then there are those days that nothing out of the ordinary is taking place, but it sneaks up on you and is a day of noteworthy bliss. That was my day yesterday.

Nothing highly unusual happened. Adiah woke up and ate breakfast, but he was smiling at me laughing and melting my heart a little more than usual. Audra and I did school together, but she focused really well and we had a little more fun than usual. I was able to Vox (a walkie talkie app) with my sister until she went to work, and we laughed and got to be goofy with each other. It was almost like we were kids again in different rooms talking on a walkie talkie because it is so much more fun than talking face to face, at least that is your reasoning as a kid. When the Adiah and Audra had play time together, they played without fuss or fight and laughed and ran around until it was time to go out. ( Side note: seriously my babies LOVE LOVE each other. They get along extremely well. Audra, of course, has her moments of needing alone time, but they each think the other hung the moon. It kinda is the best thing in the world!) We went as a family to Costco and bought groceries. Afterward, we got hotdogs and sat eating as a family laughing and talking. As I put Adiah to bed he was a little more snuggly. Audra and I started Anne of Green Gables, My childhood favorite, and she loved it. She wanted me to read just one more chapter (after three). Ryan, out of the blue, said he wanted to read "that book, after the book, that I really liked". Which my response was Catching Fire?  Which he started reading last night!! Which means I will be able to share another thing close to my heart with my best friend. Ryan and I had one of those kind of evenings together, that when you are laying in bed before you go to sleep, that you just can't understand how lucky you are to have found the perfect soul mate, and all you can do is thank God for them.

Now, like I said, nothing extremely exceptional happened. Some of these things, probably do not even seem noteworthy,  but last night I looked at my day, my life and I was hit with an overwhelming wave of gratitude. I had another day with my family, we are healthy, and we have food/shelter. It was just a slice in my paradise. It wasn't a day of extreme excitement or magic, but it was a day full of little glimpses of what life is about to me. To me it was a day that I needed to write down and remember I am so blessed for my family.

 Maybe, if you stop and just enjoy your day, maybe it will be like that for you. 

Today, a day of no expectations, becomes a day where you will realize your blessed life. 

You will go to bed really appreciating your slice of paradise. 

I do.